I still find them in the same bed. A brother's bond is forever strong.

 They went to work with their Dad at the ranch for a week during break and came to the office to see me.

Christmas presents in use, last year they got the bows this year the target. They are great shots!

With Aunt Serena at Freddy's in Garden City KS

Everett and Aubrey are always found playing together. We were doing chores here.

Christmas

We had a wonderful Christmas and were blessed to share it with my little sister Serena and her husband Josh. Christmas was made complete with snow falling Christmas morning!
The kids have been wanting a cat for a long time so we finally got them two that were about three months old. We ended up getting one more cat and the next day after getting the third one of the cats went missing. About two weeks later we found the new cat in the garage, I thought she froze. Well, the next morning we all went out to feed the cats before leaving for school and there in the middle of the garage floor is the cat. The kids are crying and I get them all in the car and tell them I am sorry. I could not for the life of me figure out how the cat died so I told them it froze because it had gotten so cold that night. I told them we would get some straw bales for our last remaining cat and we will try to find another cat for them. As we leave the house a quarter of a mile down the road in the pasture next to the road is a dead calf. Tehl freaks and screams "All the animals died last night!!!" I thought oh for crying out loud this is going to be great. So I had to explain to them that it got cold but not near cold enough for the animals to not survive. They wanted to make sure the horses were ok. I reassured them they were all fine and we made it to school with somber faces.
A couple of days later Justin was in the office and I told him I found some straw bales the guy is going to drop them off by the Hwy and if he could pick them up. That's when the truth came out and Justin confessed to running her over while we were all in the car headed to a pot luck. He didn't want to say anything and make the kids a mess before going to the pot luck and he thought the cat drug himself off to the woods. I couldn't believe it! What the heck and you didn't tell me?? He knew better and he was right not to. I would have made a big deal of it as we were headed out and the kids would have been a mess at the pot luck so we made it through the night without knowing and it was better because of it. I had to laugh at myself though, I knew the thing couldn't have froze and if it did, what a dumb cat!
So for Christmas I decided to go the the neighbors a mile up the road and get some cats. Serena, the kids, and I loaded up and went to get these cats that "just come up when you call and feed them". Ya, right! We had to search and sneak to gather four of the wildest cats, but I knew if we left with none the kids would be a mess. So I decided to put them in the large dog kennel, we took them home to our supper large chicken coup and let them go. They went straight to the rafters! We had them locked up in there for a week and every time we fed them we would hunt them down, grab them, hold them, talk to them, and feed them. Finally, we let them out and waited to see if they ran or stayed. Well, so far we still have five cats and with cold temps and snow miraculously none of them have froze!
Justin and Josh went to feed cattle and do ranch chores every morning and then coyote hunted in the afternoons. Gramma Anna came down Sat to have Christmas with us since she couldn't be here Christmas with us. She had to work Monday Christmas Eve. So we opened gifts from her on Sat night and went to church Sun morning. She had brought with her the papers we needed to sign and have notarized to sell our house. We got those signed and she headed back to Broken Bow. We invited the Pastor and his family over for an early supper since they needed to get back to bible studies that night. We ate some yummy cheesy potatoes, Bourbon flank steaks, corn, salad, biscuits, and apple pie.It was so good, and so nice to have them over they are super neat people. Monday was Justin's birthday and Christmas Eve, we had another awesome day. Serena helped me clean and organize the house, it was so good to have her help! We played some John Deere Uno after having a birthday party and watched Ice Age Continental Drift on my computer since we still do not have a TV. Eight of us around a 17" screen was snugly. :)
Christmas morning we woke to white flakes falling and after opening presents we started on the Christmas dinner. We were very blessed this Christmas with gifts and one of them was a 24" TV with a built in DVD player, we were super excited. The kids immediately went to driving remote control trucks and coloring on a design it yourself castle. After Christmas dinner Serena and Josh needed to leave at 3:00 and we were sad to see them go. We had a great time and can't wait to see them again.
We are finally beginning to get settled in and things organized. I keep hauling more and more to the storage unit because there just isn't room. Someday, we will have our own space again till then we are thanking God we are together, healthy, and happy. God bless you all in the New Year!!

"All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth..." Tehl lost his second front tooth last night. We made it through our normal Wednesday of school, work, crusaders club, art for the boys, dance for Aubrey, and on to bible study. At bible study Tehl's teacher said they took a vote to see who thought the tooth would be gone by tomorrow. Well, the teacher knew it! It's gone and he is a dollar richer!

Well hello!! It's been a few months since I last posted, apparently I can't multi-task as well as thought. It doesn't help that we have not had Internet service at our house for the last four months! So here is a re-cap of the last six months.
In July Justin and I made the decision to move to Shields KS so he could work at the ranch his Dad has worked at for the last 20 years. The gentleman that owns the ranch is 92 and his health has not been good. His children now operate the ranch and they want to improve the cattle herd and clean up the place. Rod is the 92 year old owner and he has a love of antiques and would attend any and every auction he could make it to. He also just drilled his 20th oil well so needless to say was able to purchase anything he thought he needed to haul home. So every barn is full of boxes and old cars that have collected dust as new antiques were added.
When we moved to the area there were no houses available to rent so we moved in with Justin's bother Jimmie Don. Jimmie Don has the bachelor's dream. He lives in the middle of no where on a lake called Cat House Recreation and it's about a mile from the ranch. This place has no wells so every place has what's called a rain tank. Yes, the tank is set up to collect rain water and that is the water that is used in the house for all your water uses. It is a three bedroom double wide. Yep, there were seven of us in a double wide for three months and every Wed. and Sat. when we went to church we drove the pick up with the water tank on it and hauled the water trailer, filled up with water in town and headed back to Cat House.
We had our clothes unpacked but that was it. The kids were desperately missing their toys and surroundings. Anyone that says "kids are resilient" have never had to test them. They aren't. They feel secure with normalcy and their surroundings. They weren't settling and hated where we were, they wanted to go home. They cried  the 20 miles to town saying they wanted to go to Anselmo-Merna school and cried the 20 miles home saying they just wanted to go to their house in Broken Bow. I tried for months to be their pillar of strength and I couldn't handle it anymore I started crying with them and decided enough is enough. If Justin wants to stay here and work with his Dad and his brother at ranch, great. We can visit each other on the weekends. Justin had been working at the ranch since May and we STILL hadn't found a place to live. I just couldn't do it anymore. So on Oct 1st I told Justin we were leaving. I couldn't listen to the kids cry anymore. They missed their grandma's, their aunt, uncle, and cousins that lived close. The kids in this school are horrible and that may sound mean to you, but there are VERY few kids in their class being raised in a two parent non blended family that know the Lord as their Savior. The kids know hate and hurt and they are willing to pass it on. My kids are were so blessed to be in a school that had kids who were kind and willing to play games like football not zombie killers. I just couldn't handle it anymore. So I sent resumes to Broken Bow, found a rental, filled out the kids transfer papers, enrolled Aubrey in pre-school and a daycare. I packed our clothes and we were set to leave for Broken Bow on Oct 24th since the kids had Fall Break Oct 25/26th. I have never done something so hard in my life. I felt like I was leaving the man I love, but knew I couldn't stay.
On Monday the 22nd I was going to tell my boss that my last day would be Nov 6th. I planned to move home and my Mom would watch the kids during the week while I worked through elections, I couldn't leave them high and dry, they are amazing ladies to work with. Monday was Commissioners meeting day and so the morning was swamped and it didn't present itself for me to tell her. I decided to wait till the afternoon when things slowed down and I would let her know.
Then I got a text from Justin asking me if I wanted to run by and look at a house in the county to rent. At this point my mind was made up because I don't like to be wishy washy, but I knew the kids needed their Dad more than on the weekends. I relented and thought the lest I could do was look at the place so I decided to wait until Tuesday to tell my boss.
We drove out to look at the place and we moved in on Friday. Talk about a whirl wind! The kids were so confused, "Are we moving to Dighton or to Broken Bow?". It took till December 9th to get settled. We mad a trip to Bow on Nov 30th to get our couch, and bed. We still have no T.V. but we have Christmas decorations up, candles burning and a couch to sit on! It finally feels like home. I worked hard all weekend getting things in their place and emptying boxes. I did take the afternoon Sat off and Justin took me deer hunting.
Sun as I was unpacking boxes the kids were jacking around on the steps. Well our steps in Broken Broken Bow were squishy soft with lots of carpet. The ones here are literally outdoor carpeting covering plywood. Well, Everett and Tehl decided to make use of my empty boxes and go down the steps in them. They were laughing and having a great time so Aubrey decided to join them. Apparently she hopped in a box, tossed her hands in the air and said "Well, I can't just sit here, someone has to push me!". You don't tell a boy that. So Everett jumps to the request and pushes his sister down the steps. She of course tumbles out of the box, makes it to the bottom and lets out a scream. You know, that scream that raises the hair on the back of your neck? So I run to the top of the stairs and Everett has his hands of his ears shaking is head back and forth and Tehl has his hands on his head, mouth open, eyes wide not moving a muscle. Aubrey has made it to the top of the steps holding her head and her hip, crying. I asked "What the heck happened!!?" Aubrey says "Well, I was just sitting in the box and I said someone has to push me!". I am sorry but as all the noises I heard collided with a mental picture I couldn't help but laugh my butt off after I knew she was OK. I couldn't believe they shoved her down the steps!! She is OK, I think her pride is hurt more than anything.
We are truly blessed. We are together and things are starting to even out. The kids are doing great in school they still have days when some of the kids disgust them and we have told them if they have to hit the kids than do it. We will meet them in the Principles office and they will not be in trouble for defending themselves. They have started smiling again, they play nice together, they want to stay home and hang out, they are happy. That is huge.
I am slowly meeting other ladies in the area and feel there are some great friendships on the horizon, my faith and understanding of God's work's have multiplied. I joined a Bible study on the book of Joah and talk about a rude of wakening!! I was shocked on the first day of study and burst into tears, oh my gosh I am a Jonah!! This is a study about life interruptions and when we hear God ask us to go do we run or obey. This study has been amazing and the ladies I have meet have too!
I pray you all have a great day and by the Aubrey is not limping today, she truly is the toughest girl I know!

I finished work this morning and went to the fairgrounds since Serena was in town showing. I hung out there for awhile then called Anna to see if I could come get Aubrey and bring her down to the show. It was so good to see her!! We spent the day watching Serena and her students show and Aubrey was able to ride with Serena. She loves to be out among the horses and with Serena. When she was done showing Serena let Aubrey rinse her horse off and rinse off the boots and cinch, she loved it! I managed to make it until 3:00 and then had to come home to sleep. Aubrey was getting tired too so it worked perfect we came home and took an awesome nap. 

Justin and the boys are doing good. The first day I talked to them the boys were out giving bottle calves bottles, then they got the boat ready to go and took it out on the lake for a bit the wind was really up and the boys got cold after going down the slide on the dock a couple of times so they headed in. The next day Tehl was itching to go fishing so Justin and Jimmie loaded them up in the Ranger and took them out. They are having a great time and I am so glad!

The other day before they left Everett came up to me and said "Mom, I am going to get a REAL job." I said "You are?" "Ya, I am going to fix fence all Summer and that is hard work Momma." :) I would like to hear him say that at 16 and be excited, hee hee doubt that would happen, but loved that he was excited about it now. 

So this week Aubrey and I are going to clean this gross house and get ready for a garage sale with Debbie and Isabelle on Friday. The circus is in town and Aubrey's school gave free tickets and the new pool opened so we are going to have a great week! Before we know it we will have seven days in the book :)

I know they say "never say never", but I will NEVER go through this day again. Pretty sure my heart was just ripped out of my chest and left. This morning Justin and my little triplets left for Kansas. I have never been away from them for more than three days and that has been a trial. Now I will not see them for more than 22 days since my stupid job changed my schedule. Before I had planned to go to Kansas and see them June 4th. If the boys wanted to come home with me they would and my Mom would help me watch them while I worked. Now that I have to work 5 days and mandatory overtime I will not be able to make a trip to see them until they come home for family pictures on June 14th. They will have to be in Kansas for the month of June because of my schedule and we have no where to move to down there. I know they say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I didn't have children so I could work all day and not see them. Now not only do I not see them, I don't hear them and that silence is deafening. I hate that the root cause of all of this is money, I hate that I can't fix it overnight, I hate that I have followed my Father's footsteps when I vowed I never would. I know this is something many, many families go through and I am by means not the first to do this. But it doesn't make it easier. Are you ever to old to just want your Mom? :) I really have to buck up, quit crying and get to work. One day at a time I will make it through this and we will all be fine. I have prayed non-stop that the Lord's angels keep them all safe, and me strong...and sane. I can not thank everyone enough for the calls of support and wanting to help, it has helped tremendously and we are so blessed to have you all in our lives. Thank you!

Things are starting to get crazy. Justin's last day of work is Friday and he and the kids are leaving for Kansas on Saturday. The kids will be there for a couple weeks then I will go down on my days off and go get them. So this next couple of days are going to be CRAZY!! We are going to hit Wal-Mart so we can get some food for them and then get them all packed. The triplets are super excited about getting down there and I am excited for them to have a fun Summer. Justin is going to get the boat primed and running for the lake.He said the weather is going to be gorgeous and I can't wait to hang at the docks when I go down to see them. Maybe a margarita in the sun doesn't sound so bad!

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger and we have gotten a little stronger through this. Our communication has opened up and we laugh. That's so reassuring and stress relieving! The more I work my job, the more I am so frustrated with the place. I have never worked for a company that truly doesn't care that I am a wife first, a mother second, and then an employee. With them it's all employee and they don't care what comes next. Ya, not for me. I am making good money, but never see my family. How do people do that for half their life? Anyway, who knows what is going to happen as this Summer unfolds. I am thankful the Lord is guiding us and I pray we can see the path he has chosen. 

I can not believe the triplets graduated Kindergarten on Monday!! I was so excited for them and this milestone in our lives. They had a wonderful year attending Anselmo-Merna school and I could not be happier with our decision to send them there. Not only did they learn, love school, and meet some life long friends, they excelled beyond my expectations. They are reading any level book with no difficulty, can do basic math, know shapes I didn't know if fourth grade, can name every state, ocean, and continent. I am just amazed!!! The foundation of learning is so critical for their future years and I know they have a strong one. I am so excited for them to continue learning. Their teacher was so excited to have them in class and told me often that they were a great addition and very polite, helpful, caring boys. I am so proud of them!
Now if they would only act at home for me the way they do at school for their teacher. :) This Summer is going to be a challenging one. I am working full time, anywhere between 55 and 65 hours a week so it's been stressful to keep up with everything and continue learning in my position as a chemical lab analyst.  I am thankful for the check and the insurance so I try not to complain. Justin has had a challenging year and a half also and we are really in limbo of what to do. A few years ago the ranch owner for the ranch Justin was working for came to Justin and said "listen in a couple of years we are going to sell the ranch. If you need to keep your options open or find something else I understand I just wanted to let you know some changes are planned." So Justin went out and obtained his life, health, property, casualty, and crop insurance licenses. He started selling insurance with a company that was commissioned based only and he covered the western half of NE. Being new to the insurance business and the selling side it was a tough go and we went a couple months with no income. Then in May of last year we got a commission check that got us back to zero. Well, we went June and July with no income and in August Justin got an offer to sell insurance for a salary plus commission downtown. He jumped at the chance to work from 8-5 M-F and all went well except he was never paid the salary amount quoted and his commission checks were not the full amount. So in Feb of this year he left the insurance company and started working as a Parts and Service man for a local tractor dealership. He is making the same wage we would have to pay a sitter and no daycare in town can take four kids. I told him he is either going to have to quit or get a part time job because it doesn't pay for him to work and pay taxes on his salary while paying a sitter the same amount, we would be at a loss and we can't afford to that. We are right now in the situation of selling our house or loosing it to the bank. The jobs wanted section is full of people looking for CNA's, RN's, lawn mowers, etc. but nothing that pays different than what he is doing now. This is a strong family agricultural area and all the ranches have family members that are helping out so they don't need any employees. Justin has horrible planter fascyitis (misspelled) in his feet and he gets steroid shots in them to help control the pain. The medicine he is on doesn't allow him to take even Tylenol to help with pain, he is only supposed to used the pain med prescribed. So if he can't work at hours on concrete where he is now there is no way he is going to be able to work 13 hours where I work. We would be spending more in medical bills than we would be making. We can't afford to have one income, but we can't afford to pay a sitter so our decision to make this work for the Summer is this. Justin is going to go back to the ranch his Dad has worked at for 19 years. His brother is there now and his Dad would like to retire. Justin can take the triplets with him and his brother since they are older. My sitter can still take Aubrey through the Summer so she will continue to go to her.We will trade the triplets off one or two weeks at a time through the Summer and have to full time incomes while trying to get caught up and decide if his job down there can turn into something full time and supportive. I am not willing to uproot and move if the job is going to pay the same amount as a job here and I have no job. The ranch is thirty miles from the closest town and the town is smaller than Broken Bow. Which is fine, but that means it's an hour and half to the nearest Wal-Mart or shopping area and that's a lot of gas on one income. This will allow us to get through the Summer and decide what we really need to do.
I can not fathom leaving Broken Bow. I love this town, our church, the kids' school, the weather. But I also understand we are not the first family to go through this. We just have to do what works best for us and our situation and this seems to be it. Besides if I was a six year old boy, how fun would it be to spend the Summer with your Dad and Uncle at the ranch?! We will make some memories and make it through.  Our families have been amazing and one of my sisters is going to take them for a week, my Mom is coming for a couple, and Justin's Mom is always at the ready. She takes them every weekend I have to work so I can sleep. The days that we don't have someone I take Aubrey to her sitters and the boys play while I sleep. Justin is home from 12:30 - 1:30 to give them lunch and help and if they ever need something they come in and get me. Makes for a long day, but we are going to survive this....I just may need a margartia along the way if anyone wants to come and join me. Beware though I may either just burst out crying or fall asleep!! :)

Well, I have decided that even when Justin is home to watch the kids it's probably worth it to hire a sitter. The other day while I was sleeping Justin was "watching" the kids. Aubrey chopped her hair and now has a mullet, her body and her bed sheets are covered in black sharpie marker, the chest freezer downstairs was left open, and someone decided it was a good idea to turn every piece of furniture downstairs upside down. It's great to wake up to more work...not really. To top it off all four kids have passed pink eye around, and Justin's Dad had a stroke on Monday so Justin ended up in Kansas and Anna came over to stay the night since I had to work Monday and Tuesday night. The blessing...I got a day job!!! I will start working 6:15am to 7pm sometime in May. I can't wait to get back into a regular schedule but am leary on how I am going to get kids where they need to be when school starts. I did visit with a guy that has a place to rent but he needs to see if it's still available. It would help so much to move to Merna and be able to let the kids walk or ride bikes to school. We will keep praying something opens up! I better get going I have an interview in an hour and a half for a day job working 7am to 3pm, wouldn't that be perfect?! I have been told through the grapevine that so and so already has the job but they still have to go through interviews as formality, but I can still hope! ;)

Whew! I sure hope I start getting used to this night shift stuff. I don't know how some of the people I work with have done it for 30 years or more. I think it's a bunch of huey. My first night on I am up for 30 hours because I have finally got my body back into "regular" sleep schedule so when the day comes I am supposed to go to work, I can sleep during the day. Then I am so over tired that I can't get to sleep the next day and the roller coaster pretty much falls off it's track there. I am thankful my family is patient with me because I am sure I am the grumpiest Momma bear of them all when I am working. I hate that supporting my family makes me a crappy person to be around, but I realize that I am not the only person going through it. Every person I work with is struggling with the same thing. So I keep on keeping on praying that some day I am able to get a day shift.
The kids are doing great, they have been playing really good together. Aubrey is in love with the movie Tangled and everyday she asks the boys "who wants to play Rapunzle?" You should see them look at each other thinking "not me, I did it yesterday, it's your turn". It is hysterical!!! So they rotate days being "Flynn Rider". Kaiden refuses to be Flynn because he doesn't want to be her boyfriend so he tells her he will only play if he can be Maximus (the horse). So the other day I look out in the yard as they are playing and Rapunzal is telling Maximus to "Sit!" "be a good boy" "come here". hee hee, made me chuckle. She loves playing with her brothers and can't wait for them to come home from school.
All the kids love to color and draw and I am always being presented with new pictures colored for me. Their artistic ability is amazing. I think I knew how to draw a circle at their age! My favorite are the notes they write that say "I love Mom" :) I love my kids and thank God for them daily, I am so blessed to chosed as their Mother.

Apparently I need to be more aware when I come home from a 13hr shift. This morning I finished getting the kids breakfast and thought "Kaiden sure is growing his pants are short" well, there was no time to change so drove them to the bus and said "have a good day at school!". I just picked them up and was astonished at how short Kaiden's jeans really were...he was wearing Aubreys!!!! I was laughing so hard when I realized I had sent him through the whole school day in his sister's jeans. I am sure the teachers and staff thought I had won Mother of the year. Kaiden was not impressed and ran to change immediatly. I am still chuckling, Wrangler Cash jeans look rather well on him ;)

Hope

Unbelieveable...Believable....Amazing...OK, OK, I found the right words...LIFE CHANGING. By the grace of God we were able to make it to the Weekend to Remeber. My Mom came to watch the kids, we were both able to get off work, and we had some money to make it to dinner for our "date night" during the conference. So we took off for Lincoln at two in the afternoon. It was a pretty quiet start to the trip and finally I looked at him and said "Just so you know, I am nervous". He said "Me too". A simple smile shared between us after that relaxed us both. I had worked 13 hrs the night before and was only able to sleep for three that morning so the next thing I knew I was waking up and we were pulling into Lincoln.


We found the hotel easily and got registered, visited with the gal from My Bridge Radio and headed to our hotel to check in. At this point I am still guarded I will be honest. I am leary of how this will all go. I have prayed immensly and placed the weekend in God's hands. I said "whatever your will for this marriage is Lord, I will follow". I was hoping Justin was going to be open and willing to participate, but being at a faith based event for him is like telling a child to ride a bike for the first time with no training wheels. The want to do it is there, but the aprehension is too. We quietly made it back to the convention for the first session and were relieved to find it was lighthearted, easy to relate to, and easy to sit through. The first night was great it really opened up our communication without making us feel like we needed to keep our guard up. The next day hit some nerves, but brought us together and really made me realize he is in this with his all. That night we had "date night" and it was fun. We just went to downtown Lincoln and ate at Old Chicago since we didn't have enough money to do something huge. Honestly sitting across the table from him and holding a conversation was big enough for me! The next day during the convention we recited our wedding vows and in my heart I knew we would be OK. We had a good night and the next day headed home. The drive home was much more relaxed and comfortable than the drive there. I felt a wave of relief and knew we still had a lot to work on but at least we had a starting point.
Here is what was in one of the sessions:
Granting forgivness is :
*a choice to set your spouse free from the debt of their offense
*an attitude of letting go of resentment and vengeance
*the first step toward rebuilding trust
*an act of obedience to God
Consider your contribution to the conflict:
*What role did I play?
*What pattern or habit of mine contributed to the conflict?
These few things listed above were an eye opener for me. I teach this to the kids all the time, but never once did I apply to my own marriage. I am thankful we were able to forgive each other and start working on a oneness in our marriage.

These last few days have been wonderful. The communication between us is open and we both understand that if either of us say something it is not ment to hurt or belittle. We did buy a few books while there and one of them is Fight Fair by Tim and Joy Downs. So far it's a great read!

Thank you for all your prayers of support and kind words. This is something no one ever wants to talk about and "admit" that it is happening, but I think happens a lot more in marriages than realized. If I can help anyone please don't hesitate to ask. I would be more than willing to be a listener. I tried to get help from various Bible studies, Pastors, and other resources, but helping a marriage heal is hard and just getting a direction to start in is just as hard.
Have a great day!
Sarah

In the Raw

Well, I normally talk about the kids and the simple things that are happening in our lives but here is some insight on what is happening now. I titled this one "Raw" because I normally try to keep certain things out of posts, but this is my journal and this is real.
The last two years have been extremly rough for Justin and I, sometime I wonder who it is that I married and how we ended up here. Well, last Sunday it finally came to a head and I told him I am done. We can see a marriage counselor or we can go our seperate ways, but I refuse to continue forward in the mess we are in. It isn't fair to any of us. The last thing I want to do is seperate because divorce has never been an option for me and I am not an advocate of it. I have tried going to bible studies, reading books, talking to Pastors and nothing has helped. I can't fix a two man show by myself. The more I tried to figure out how to make it better the worse it got. The closer I grow to Christ the further I get from my husband. There is no one with help and I get that, everyone is busy with their own lives and who wants to meddle in a situation only one person is trying to fix. I haven't worn my wedding band for about four months and he hasn't slept in our bed in about six months. The funny thing is, he seemed suprised when I told him I was done. Really??? Are men really that clueless. I work 60 hours a week and take care of the kids and home and he is really confused as to why I am done. Amazing.
Well, he actually wants to make it work and says "I don't want to see this thing fall apart". Thank goodness I am relieved for this because I don't either, but I can't keep doing what we are doing. I listen to a Christian radio station all the time and last week they were giving away tickets to a marriage enhancement weekend called "A Weekend to Remember". I was able to win tickets that include the price of the hotel all we need to do is get there. I was super nervous because I didn't think he would want to go and he said he would no questions asked. Then I thought, well we are both supposed to work and my job is ruthless I can't just take off. So I sent my boss an email that said I would be gone (I work nights and never see her) and I haven't heard anything back that says no. Justin told his boss he would be gone, so I am praying that the eyes of enlightment for both of us are opened. I know there are things I need to change, but I don't know what they are. If I say anyting to him I am being belittling and judgemental. So for the last few years I have said nothing because I refuse to fight in front of the kids. I also refuse to end up back in the hospital from stress and I had to make a decision. So here we are broke; the phone is still unplugged so we don't have to listen to everyone demanding money, and we are at the end of our rope. Part of me just wants to get it over with. If it's going to end please don't drag it out. I don't have the heart for it. On the other hand, what the heck will it do to these poor kids. They love their father immensly and he loves them, they need each other. I am praying that he has the ability to call the marriage counselor because "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink". I have called and I want to go, but it takes two.
So through all this we are actually doing good. This last week after our blow up, he has been much more aware and helpful like he really does want to put an effort forth to making things right. For this I am thankful. I am really frustrated that his Dad didn't show him how to be a husband and father. I always remember that Justin is starting from scratch when it comes to these things, he had no example. I am thankful he is trying and willing to come along side of me. I really hope we make it through this because in reality I can not imagine life without him.

We have been letting the kids pray before supper and some of the prayers that go up are amazing and some are too funny it's hard to sifle a laugh. For instance tonight we start out as normal with Aubrey saying who is going to pray first, second, and so on. I say "well I think we will just start here and go around the table." So Everett prays first and above the table I have a prayer that reads "Thank you for the world so sweet, Thank you for the food we eat, Thank you for the birds that sing, Thank you Lord for everything. He bows his head to pray and he starts out strong and confident, "Dear Lord Thank you for the..." a pause and I glimpse at him as he turns his head around to read the prayer behind him. I smirked to myself and he did a great job finished his prayer with an Amen. Just before Tehl can start Aubrey pipes up "Tehl it's your turn". So Tehl prayes "Dear Lord, thank you for the good week we had, help me to get better, and be with me as I go to school this week. Amen" Again Aubrey pipes up "Kaiden your turn...no wait it's Momma's. Go ahead Momma." I try not to chuckle at the instruction and say my prayers, sure enough before I can get Amen out of my mouth Aubrey says "K, Kaiden your turn now, then mine." Where would we be without her! Kaiden says "Dear Lord thank you for my Mom and my Dad and my family, thank you for our house, thank you for our dishes, thank you for our school, Amen." Aubrey says "K, my turn!" "Dear Lord, thank you for my Mom and my dad and my brothers and my sisters, and for my for fork and my spoon, and my plate, and my house, and my bed....." Sometimes we have to reel her in! I am glad they have a thankful heart and are learning to pray. They are amazing little people. I really need to do better working with them individually with their prayers but for now they are the ones that seem to be teaching me a thing or two about it. It's a good thing, I'll take all the help I can get staying on course!

Our little Miss Aubrey turned four on Monday and wow, has her self changed! We went to the Municipal building to eat pancakes and eggs/ham to support the VFW. We are sitting there putting butter on our pancakes and I reach over to Aubrey's plate saying "Here let me get it cut up for you and you can put the syrup on.". She stops looks at me and says "Uh fwor yehr owds cut der food by demselves Momma." And she was just looking at me like "you should know that". I tried not to loose it laughing. Then the next day she is trying to tell me something and she really has a trouble pronouncing her sounds so I didn't understand what she was trying to say. I had said "What?" twice and she drops her head in her hand shaking her head and says "ugh, dust borget about it". She cracks me up! This morning when I got home from work the kids were getting their shoes on and ready to go to school. Aubrey is in tears and beside herself. I ask what's up and she sobs "Dad didn't help me find my socks!" I look down and she had socks on so I am confused. "What do you mean he didn't help you he did a good job you have socks on both feet?". "I don't want to wear these ones Mom!". "What? Which ones do you want to wear?". Finally I realized she wants to wear the socks a friend gave her on her birthday. So I get them on her and say "Let's just get your socks and shoes on so you can get to Miss Karrisa's and see your friends." "Oh, Mom I just can't go there today!". I thought I was going to keel over. Really? You're four not 13. So we got the boys dropped off to the bus and I said are you ready to go see your friends at Karrisa's? I just can't make it today Mom. So we headed to City Cafe for breakfast and amazingly I didn't fall asleep in my eggs! Then headed to get the boys from the bus she says "Mom I wish I just had a couple brothers" What the heck where did that come from? So I said "What!? Like who would you get rid of?" "Oh, none of them.". Apparently the thought of a couple less people in the house entertained her then she realized she couldn't be without anyone. She is certainly a blessing!
Happy Birthday sweet Aubrey, Jilly Jelly Bean, Lou Hoos, Bisty Beans, Sis, and the piece that completes our family. We love you!

Well, we were doing good with no sickies and now they have hit. But I can't complain! Everyone is coughing and blowing noses, but no flu. I can handle colds lets just hope that they stay as only a cold. Monday the kids had a snow day. I had worked the night before and got home at 7am. I really wanted to go to sleep but since all the kids were home I didn't want them functioning alone in the house. We hung out in the morning then in the afternoon we ran some errands and cleaned up the house. I had to work that night so I got supper ready and waited for Justin to get home from his first day at Case IH as a parts and service man. It's not the greatest paying job but at least he is out doing something.
We went to parent teacher conferences last week and I was blown away. I had worked the night before and on the way to conferences I was thinking "seriously, they are in kindergarten do we need to go to these?". Their teacher is amazing and I am so thankful we decided to send the kids to Merna. I really like the school and staff and couldn't ask for a better place for them. She tells us that all three are doing great and there are not any concerns for any of them. She is not only surprised they are excelling she is amazed. She said for three preemies to come into Kindergarten doing good they are now in the top of the class. Usually a preemie will start out learning ok then hit a snag in a subject and need additional help. All three of them are testing way past the normal range. She said they are all helpful, thoughtful, kind, and aware of the other students and staff. She can always count on them to help without asking. She said she is so glad to have them in class and at first she was worried about always keep them straight on who was who and now she laughs that she even thought that. She knows each one as the individual they are and I can't be thankful enough for that. That is what I wanted. A teacher that will push them to their ability but make it fun and love them along the way. I walked away from that conference I thought was silly to go to with tears of amazement. She said she wishes there were more parents out there like us. What is better to hear than that!
Aubrey has been complaining of her leg hurting for quite some time. We had xrays taken on Thursday and still haven't heard back from the Dr. I guess we are going to have to wait till Mondays follow up to hear anything. It really makes me nervous because she will break into tears and say her leg her hurts. Her hip pops and pops and pops as she moves her leg trying to get in a comfortable position.
The kids didn't have school again today so we hung out and took in each others company. Every Friday we try to do "movie night" so we rented a few movies after eating lunch at Pizza Hut and going to the grocery store. The grocery store is still an adventure. Everyone wants to drive their own "weenie cart". The little carts that hold the basket and I have to clue as to why they call them weennie carts but they do. So Kaiden decides he wants to push my cart but I am not allowed to touch it, and the other three have the weenie carts. I am careful to go when the store is slow because we are like a train wreck coming through the isles! All the kids do good with their own cart and except for a few crashes we made it out in good shape this time. Last time the weenie carts tipped over three times and I thought for sure that gallon of milk was going to burst. Thank goodness it never did!

Well the last few months have been a whirl wind but we still have our feet on the ground and I guess that is all we can ask for. Justin was let go from his job Jan 15th which is so frustrating since I just started working full time Jan 2. I was so excited with my first check I sat down and paid some bills. Yes, I was excited to pay bills since it hasn't happened in awhile. I am so thankful I have a job or I would have ended back up in the hospital with the stress of it all and I certainly don't want to do that to my family again. So I did a few weeks of 70 hours at work and it is helping to keep us afloat. The kids keep asking "why do have to go to work all the time Mom?" I think this is weird that the kids think I am just supposed to be home all day but then again, isn't that why I had kids? So I could be here to raise them. I just tell them that we have to go to work to make money to buy food and they get that. I also understand that I am not the only Mother working, but I am still jaded about having to work what the heck is that about? I am just really glad I was raised with a mind to get a job and take care of your family sometimes you don't like but all the time you have to do it. The way I figure it is you aren't going to like everything in life. I don't like the place I work at but I do like the insurance, the pay, the fact that I can provide for my family. So we do what it takes to survive, what do they say "put your big girl panties on and get over it". :)
The kids have been doing good and no one has been sick for a few months thank goodness. I am amazed at how they are growing...I know every parent is. I think I notice it more since I have been working that they seem so much bigger. The other day I picked the boys up from the bus and Tehl says "Mom, I lost my tooth at school today!!" as he showed off his new space already being occupied by a new sprout. I was so excited for him! My Mom came up to help me out for a weekend since Justin went to the ranch in KS to help his brother out. One day Mom, Aubrey, and I went up to the school to eat lunch with the triplets and Tehl smiles really big at us. He has lost another tooth!! So both teeth on the bottom are gone and it's super cute.
Aubrey has been taking dance and she absolutely loves it. Thankfully I had paid for the next six months of classes with my first check or we wouldn't be doing dance. She is always excited to go and she stands right in front of the instructor soaking it all in. She knows the routines and I am amazed. I never could remember the moves without looking at someone else to know what to do next. Well, she is the one the others look to in the middle of the performance because she has got it down. I hope she stays with it for awhile it's fun having a girl that loves tutu's! She still refuses to play with dolls and I find that funny, I never did either and I don't know why. Maybe because I was in between four boys, my two brothers and the two neighbor boys who we were with every day. Aubrey had to take her favorite Christmas present to show and tell, she marched right onto the bus with her pink bow and arrow so proud to show everyone while she was wearing a super cute dress and her hair was in bows. I love that she is so sure of herself.
Kaiden is still my little man with the big heart. The other day Everett and Tehl ended up in a fight over something and Everett kicked Tehl making him cry. Kaiden couldn't stand to see Tehl crying and he came unleashed on Everett for being in the wrong. I could not believe how this tiny meek little boy turned into a punching wild man. He can not stand to see someone hurt and so I had to explain to him that he was no different than Everett who hurt Tehl because he turned and hurt Everett. All this took place while they were in the utility room getting shoes, coats, backpacks on ready for school and I was in Aubrey's room helping her get dressed. I came out to see Kaiden attacking Everett and for a moment my heart was so proud knowing Kaiden really can handle his own. This tiny boy with the big heart. Then after I investigated and found out what happened we got it all worked out and they were buddies again getting on the school bus. I went home and went to bed. I work 6:20pm to 7:20am so I get home in time to take them to the bus, then I sleep till 3 and go pick them up at 4, make supper and leave for work.
Everett is a person all his own. They all are but Everett more than the others. He likes to hang by himself but at night I still find him and Kaiden sleeping together. I love it! Tehl is always happy sleeping by himself and he thrashes so bad at night to get to sleep that the others don't want to sleep with him anyway. It all works out. Kaiden and Tehl love to crash and bang or play with contact, like wrestling or boxing. Everett always ends up playing with Aubrey because he doesn't like to rough house which is a good thing because you look at the child wrong and his nose is bleeding. He gets bloody noses so easy and that is definitely from my side of the family. My Dad and my brothers were the same way.
So I may be frustrated that I can't book the trip to Cabo I wanted to take for our ten year anniversary with my sister and her husband, but I am thankful I have a job, a house, and a healthy family. My kids are such an inspiration and a great dose of medicine that keeps me smiling and going. I only hope I am same to them. :)

Pictures

I tried to take pictures of the kids tonight and here are a couple I liked. I wish they would have just cooperated because the weather was wonderful. But who can expect three, six year old boys who have been in school all day to stand still and smile. :) Have a great day everyone!

Our triplets are six! It doesn't seem possible. They are so fun and this year they decided they wanted a birthday party. I usually just do a party with family since that is crazy enough for me, but I thought "If they want a party we can do that." They haven't really made a couple of special friends since school just started and they are playing with the whole class we invited the whole class...of 27 kids. I thought well, I could just invite the boys but Kaiden was adament that a girl named Riley was coming and there are only 7 girls so we invited everyone. Then one day driving home from school we were talking about the birthday party and from the back seat Kaiden starts crying and asks "But Mom what about our special friends?" "I asked, special friends like who do mean. What are you talking about?" He says "Like Gramma Neen and Grampa Welsh and Jackson and Daniel." I had to chuckle, I said "when we get home we'll make a special list and send them invites. So in the end we sent out 32 invites! I think there was a total of 18 kids there and it was a great time! The funny thing is, their favorit part, the true hightlight of turning six has been that they no longer have to sit in the carseat on the bus. They love that they are like the big kids now, no buckles over heavy coats and they sit next to each other if they want to. I couldn't buy that happiness. On the bus the carseats are next to an open spot so an older child can sit next to the one in the carseat and help with buckles if needed. LOVE it!!
Work has been going good, I am slowly adjusting and thankful I have a job to help pay the bills. Gramma Anna brought the kids up to BD to have lunch with me on Saturday, they loved it. I think it helped them just to see where I worked. I couldn't let them go through the plant but I did let them look through the doors to see the machines in there.
Aubrey is so much like me it isn't funny. As she goes through the house she doesn't walk, she skips and instead of going through the doorway she bounces off the door frame. So the other day when they were leaving BD I really realized the apple doesn't fall from the tree. The kdis were all saying good bye and Aubrey walks towards the door which has a mat in front of it. Her head is turned looking at me as her feet cross to the mat. Well, she trips over the mat. Her hands are full so she doesn't put them forward to catch herself and she falls flat on her poor little face. I could not believe it! I thought oh my gosh that looks exactly like something I would do! So trying not to chuckle I scoop her up and ask her if she is OK. She says "yea Momma I OK, I dus twipped ober da fwoor." She is so tough. She has been in speech therapy since school started in August and I hope it starts helping soon. I swear the child sounds like she is speaking another language and a lot of the times I have to ask one of the triplets what she is saying. Good thing I have interrupters!